Dear Me

About a month after my dad passed, Shape Magazine did a 40 day goal crusher challenge. This challenge wasn’t just about losing weight. Your goal could be anything you wanted it to be. During the 6 weeks we would be given Dear Me journaling to do. I loved doing these and don’t really know why I stopped. Last night I figured it was about time I sat down to write a Dear Me. The last few weeks haven’t been the easiest, and I needed to remind myself of some stuff, so here’s my Dear Me. If you’ve never done this before, I highly recommend doing it. The things you write may surprise you and it’s all for the better.

Dear Me, 

First off, STOP being so hard on yourself. You have been through hell and back. Yu can do anything you set your mind to. One bad day or moment doesn’t need to set you back. You’ve done so many things since Dad died almost sic months ago. You are getting your life back and it’s a great feeling. You didn’t have the traditional experiences of someone in their 20’s. You lost your Mom unexpectedly and then had to be your Dad’s caregiver. You sat in surgical waiting rooms, hospital rooms, and even made the hospital room your temporary home to make sure your Dad was getting the best possible care during life threatening situations. You did everything you could to make his life the best it could be from 2011-2017.

Now is your time to live your life and make your 30’s what you’re 20’s couldn’t be. You’ve made breakthroughs. You’ve had a friend make you cry at not one major event, but two this year. The first cry was because she helped you realize what’s been holding you back. The second is from seeing her face light up when you told her how far you went in the half marathon before a blister on your foot prevented you from finishing the last five miles. The tears were also from so many wonderful experiences and new friends who were made on a trip that you never thought you’d get to take. 

So, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are learning the root of what’s been causing your migraines. The fix isn’t exactly pleasant, but you know it will brig relief. You are making so may people proud of you. The changes you are making now will only make you stronger in the future. You are changing your narrative and the cards you were dealt in life. You learned that from a young ago life isn’t always fair. Shit happens. Don’t let it define you. You are better than that.

Take everything you have learned in the last year, the last six months, hell, the last month and be the best you can be. The changes you are making are inspiring others to make changes too. You are reaching people via your blog and sharing things you never thought you’d be sharing about being a caregiver, your generalized anxiety disorder, and life in general. Hopefully it is letting others know they are not alone in this world with their struggles. Keep on keeping on. You are destined to do great things in your life and you are making your parents proud even though they are no longer here. Keep sharing, keep loving yourself, your family, and your friends. 

Keep making yourself proud. 

Love, 

Me

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#ShapeGoal40

I mentioned in a post I made a few days ago that I’m joining Shape Magazine and Jen Widerstrom doing their 40 day challenge. Being a caregiver so long I really didn’t take care of myself the way I should have. I ate like crap, gave into temptation sitting next to the person at work who is always bringing donuts, cookies, and candy in. As hard as these last four and a half weeks have been without my dad, I realize that this is a time in life where I get to rediscover who I am. I don’t have to constantly worry about my dad throughout the day or not get enough rest because he needs help with something in the middle of the night. Don’t get me wrong, I wish he were still here because he was the best dad I could ever have ever wanted, but I knew in the back of my head that I was putting my health on the back burner to make sure he was okay.

The timing of this challenge has been fantastic. Today is day five and since it started I’ve been cooking meals instead of eating out. I’ve been making chicken dishes, healthy sandwiches, eating salads, fruits, and going out of my comfort zone by trying new things like couscous. It’s amazing how in just five days I feel like I have more energy and that my body is functioning better because I am putting good stuff into it. I’ve also significantly cut back on soda, except for a sip or two to get medication down. When I was six I choked on a life saver and my mom had to do the Heimlich on me, so getting pills down has always been an issue for me, and the carbonation seems to help that. If you know of something else for me to try, let me know!

With the ShapeGoal40, there is a fantastic group of amazing people who are all supportive of each other from all over the world and many of us have posted our goals so we can all help each other stay accountable. I want to post that here on my blog as well, so that I make sure I am not only accountable for myself, but for anyone who may be doing this challenge who reads this, can also keep me accountable.

For the first time in almost seven years, I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I love my dad dearly, but now that he’s gone and truly seeing the toll it took on me that I couldn’t see, but everyone else could has been a huge eye opener. 2018 is going to be focusing on me and rediscovering myself and my joy. As I look back in 2017, I don’t know how I managed to do all that I did for my dad. There were times that I was pretty much at rock bottom, but was able to put up this façade to make it seem like everything was fine. I’m ready to conquer 2018. I’ve got big goals and plans for some of the most special people in my life. I really couldn’t have made it through this last year without Justin, Katie, Bri, Gina, Kelly, Jen and so many more.

Here I come 2018 and here are my goals below!

shapegoal40