Mother’s Day

Nine year’s ago I was celebrating Mother’s Day with you. I bought you a card and it saddens me that that is all I can remember. I’m sure we went out for breakfast or that I may have bought you flowers, but I’m sad that I don’t remember much more than buying you a card nine years ago. Had I known that would be my last Mother’s Day with you I would have documented it so much better. I would have taken more pictures with you. I’m sorry I didn’t.
I know over the 23 years we had together we had our ups and downs like all mothers and daughters do. Looking back those arguments and disagreements mean nothing. You were the best mom a girl could ask for. Even though you were overprotective of me, you always made sure I was safe, allowed me to grow, develop my own thoughts and opinions, supported me when I switched from majoring in journalism to music, and you allowed me to experience a lot of pretty awesome things, including an unforgettable trip to NYC with dad after 9/11 so I could meet Kevin.
So much has changed since you’ve been gone and I still find myself reaching for the phone sometimes to call you and tell you about things and realize I can’t. That’s the one thing that hurts the most is not being able to share my successes with you and the progress I’m making in several different ways. I hate that I lost you way too soon, and even though I lost you in a way that I didn’t want to, I know it was a blessing because I know you didn’t like doctors or anything medical. I will always wish that I could have one more hug, one more conversation, one more I love you from you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and allowing me to be the person I am today. Happy Mother’s Day Mom. I love you and miss you.

Advertisements

Dear Me

About a month after my dad passed, Shape Magazine did a 40 day goal crusher challenge. This challenge wasn’t just about losing weight. Your goal could be anything you wanted it to be. During the 6 weeks we would be given Dear Me journaling to do. I loved doing these and don’t really know why I stopped. Last night I figured it was about time I sat down to write a Dear Me. The last few weeks haven’t been the easiest, and I needed to remind myself of some stuff, so here’s my Dear Me. If you’ve never done this before, I highly recommend doing it. The things you write may surprise you and it’s all for the better.

Dear Me, 

First off, STOP being so hard on yourself. You have been through hell and back. Yu can do anything you set your mind to. One bad day or moment doesn’t need to set you back. You’ve done so many things since Dad died almost sic months ago. You are getting your life back and it’s a great feeling. You didn’t have the traditional experiences of someone in their 20’s. You lost your Mom unexpectedly and then had to be your Dad’s caregiver. You sat in surgical waiting rooms, hospital rooms, and even made the hospital room your temporary home to make sure your Dad was getting the best possible care during life threatening situations. You did everything you could to make his life the best it could be from 2011-2017.

Now is your time to live your life and make your 30’s what you’re 20’s couldn’t be. You’ve made breakthroughs. You’ve had a friend make you cry at not one major event, but two this year. The first cry was because she helped you realize what’s been holding you back. The second is from seeing her face light up when you told her how far you went in the half marathon before a blister on your foot prevented you from finishing the last five miles. The tears were also from so many wonderful experiences and new friends who were made on a trip that you never thought you’d get to take. 

So, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are learning the root of what’s been causing your migraines. The fix isn’t exactly pleasant, but you know it will brig relief. You are making so may people proud of you. The changes you are making now will only make you stronger in the future. You are changing your narrative and the cards you were dealt in life. You learned that from a young ago life isn’t always fair. Shit happens. Don’t let it define you. You are better than that.

Take everything you have learned in the last year, the last six months, hell, the last month and be the best you can be. The changes you are making are inspiring others to make changes too. You are reaching people via your blog and sharing things you never thought you’d be sharing about being a caregiver, your generalized anxiety disorder, and life in general. Hopefully it is letting others know they are not alone in this world with their struggles. Keep on keeping on. You are destined to do great things in your life and you are making your parents proud even though they are no longer here. Keep sharing, keep loving yourself, your family, and your friends. 

Keep making yourself proud. 

Love, 

Me

Re-Introduction

Hi there, and hello to all of my new blog followers. My name is Sarah and I live in Illinois. I’m an only child who has lost both of her parents. My mom passed in 2011 to a brain aneurysm, and my dad in 2017 from sepsis and endocarditis. Below are pictures of me with my mom and dad! I miss them every day.

 

When I initially started this blog, it was to document my life as the caregiver to my dad. And while I will still post about that stuff, this blog has turned into a place where I can share my life experiences since losing both parents. I love that I am getting to experience new things in life and that I have a place to share my growth as a person now. I had a friend give me homework after my dad passed to see how much time of my life I have back now that I no longer need to take care of my dad, and it’s amazing how much time I truly have back. Don’t get my wrong, I would do it all again in a heart beat, but there’s something very liberating about finally getting to live my life fully for me.

So to share a little more about me, I live with my two cats, Socks and Shadow (pictured below). These two have been great to have and have helped so much with my anxiety and dealing with the loss of my dad. Besides having two fur babies, I’ve got several friends who are the best. They have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life and I don’t know what I would do without them.

One of my more recent posts was about my first vacation in eight years to NYC. You can read that post on an earlier blog. I’m making this year a year to focus on me and what will make me happy. I’m working on getting back into shape, taking trips, even if just to see family, because life is too short to not spend it with family. I also have a couple of other major trips I am planning on doing this year. One will be to California, and it will be my first time being on  the west coast. The second I’m still waiting on details, but one of my friends is going to be doing a retreat and I was told last year that I have to go this year, and I’m more than happy to oblige with that request. One of the smaller trips I making is actually this weekend for my cousin’s third birthday. She’s having a mermaid party and the kid in me is excited for that!

Thank you all so much for the follows and likes on my posts thus far and I can’t wait to share more! Feel free to share this with others and have a great rest of the week.

Positive Influence

Over the weekend I found out something that made me happy and that I wanted to share. During my walk with coworkers and friends, we ended our 6.7 mile walk at a small restaurant in a town called St. Joe. While we were all recovering and refueling from our walk I had the chance to talk to the director from the emergency room I used to work in. I saw him briefly last month at The Daisy Award ceremony for the nurse who took care of my dad in his final hours.

What I learned from him on Saturday made me even more grateful that I took the time to nominate this nurse and that she won. He told me that she is a travelling nurse from Japan and that she really wasn’t sure she fit in here or that she had made the right choice to come here. He told me that after she won the award that it made her feel like she had made the right choice to come here and that it made her feel more a part of the team. This means the world to me. I saw not only how she interacted with my dad and I, but with other staff members. She is truly one of those nurses that is one in a million.

Never underestimate how you can make a difference in the life of someone. I nominated this nurse because of the care and compassion she showed. I didn’t know a lot about where she was from or that she was a travel nurse here. I’m glad that my show of gratitude and appreciation helped make a difference in her life, as she did in mine. Things like this just make my heart so full and make me want to continue on this journey of finding a way to make a difference in the lives of others, while also allowing me to make my life more fulfilled. The next time you think a gesture is too small, but you still want to do something for someone, do it. You never know how big that gesture could be to the person and that it could be life changing for them.